Moving right along

It's been a while since we've updated the blog. Mostly because not much has been going on in the planning process. However, things picked up again around the beginning of December. We've been meeting with photographers (2 down, one to go) and hopefully we'll have a decision made in the next week or two. Also, I bought a dress this past weekend. You can find a picture of the dress here. Exquisite, no? Well, the 80's are making a comeback, after all.

I went to two dress shops this past Saturday and the experiences could not have been more different. It was like night and day. The first shop turned out to be in a mall (bad clue number one) and was the absolute worst customer service I have ever experienced. I almost felt like I was on Candid Camera, it was that bad. Very rushed, indifferent service bordering on rude; I have no idea how they expect any woman to want to buy a dress from them. Anyway, the other shop was simply wonderful. We spent about 2 hours in there and I never felt rushed or like I was wasting their time. They were very helpful, very well informed about the products they carry, and everyone in the shop very clearly enjoyed what they were doing.

Colorific

The masses (of 7) have spoken--black and red are the winners of the color poll! Our condolensces to mood indigo, which had but one lone supporter. Thanks to all who participated!

Stay tuned for the next poll (yet-to-be determined topic)!

Um......yeah.

It has come to my attention since I posted the location of the wedding that Karen did so several days ago. It has also come to my attention that apparently I don't pay any attention to her, or at least to her messages on the blog. In response, I can only say that we also have a reception site. It is in Solon, Iowa, just north of Iowa City along Iowa Trunk Highway 1. It takes about 25 minutes to get there. The reception site is a bit more casual than a lot of the sites we looked at in Iowa City and Coralville. It's also a darn site less expensive.

What's that you say? I got beat to the punch again? Poppycock! Fine, but did she say that we are getting married on the University's move-in weekend? Oh, she did. Huh. Well, I bet she didn't post the work "Sasquatch" yet!

Who could ask for anything more?

Just for the taste of it!

I feel like I'm in a 1980's commercial. Strange that Karen doesn't want us to have a similar picture for our wedding album...

The Question

So the question I keep getting asked is: are you getting married in Iowa City? The answer, of course, is yes. And if you don't like it, talk to Karen. It was her decision. (I'm gonna get it for that, won't I?) In fact, the church (and its available dates, subject to Big Ten Football, of course) was the first thing we needed to know. (Since the church is so close to Kinnick Stadium, they rent out their parking lot during football games. Apparently the tailgaters there do not participate in the usual tailgating debauchery.)

The church in question is Saint Andrew Presbyterian Church, a member of the East Iowa Presbytery (which is awfully fun to spell!). For you Lutherans out there, a Presbytery is similar to a Synod. For you Catholics out there, it's similar to a Diocese. For you Methodists, it's similar to an Episcopal Area. For you members of the Church of Sven Consciousness, it's similar to a Svenod.

Check out Saint Andrew's website here: http://www.saintandrew-ic.org. The picture is from another church with a similar name.

And the website for Saint Andrew himself is here.

[Non]-Instant Runoff Voting!

The results of the wedding color scheme vote came out in a tie between Paint It Black and Red Red Wine with Mood Indigo only one vote behind. In this day and age of exit polls and instant runoff voting, this vote ought to be sent to the Supreme Court. But then, the election would be handed over to Hypercolor, which clearly did not win the majority of the popular vote.

So, instead, a second non-instant runoff vote will be held between Paint It Black, Red Red Wine, and Mood Indigo to determine the winner. There is a fortnight to make your decision, so choose wisely. For as the right color will bring joy and happiness, the wrong one will bring death! (Not really, just had to go for the Indiana Jones reference.)

Personally, I cannot believe that Hypercolor did not win. It is clearly the superior option. It's all colors at once! Just look at the picture--who wouldn't want the bridesmaids looking like that?

Our condolences to the other colors: Day-Glo Orange, Yellow Pages, Green with Envy, Bluebird of Happiness, Violet Beauregarde, and Hypercolor. Clearly you are the worst colors available.

Location, Location, Location

Well, we now have locations for both the ceremony and the reception. The ceremony will be at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church, where I've been a member for about 4 years now. It was actually the availability of the church that helped determine our wedding date. The church is quite close to the football stadium (where the Hawks are sucking it up this year) and the church raises money for the men's ministry by renting out their parking lot during home games. So that nixed about half the dates in August and September right off the bat, not that we wanted to get married on a home football weekend to begin with.

The reception was an altogether different story. Apparently the hotels in town want you to commit to outrageous minimum food and beverage purchases in order to book a wedding reception during the "high season". We ended up picking a spot in Solon, about 25 minutes north of Iowa City. It's a pretty location and a little more casual, which I think suits us. And getting out of town is probably not a bad idea in the grand scheme of things, considering that that weekend is also UI's move-in weekend. We just signed the contract last night and mailed it off today, so we're set.

More Bad Songs

"I Hate Everything About You," Ugly Kid Joe
C'mon, this should be obvious.

"Oops, I Did it Again," Britney Spears
With Britney's track record, anything she did, you don't want to do, or associated with your wedding.

"Run For Your Life," the Beatles
Look at the lyrics. This is a scary song. Was Yoko aware that John wrote this before they got together?

"You Give Love a Bad Name," Bon Jovi
Shot through the heart? You play your game? This is simply not appropriate at a wedding.

"Highway to Hell," AC-DC
This is only appropriate when driving back to Alexandria. There is no other reason to play this song.

"Crash," Dave Matthews Band
Listen to the lyrics. "Hike up your skirt a little more" should be reserved for seduction scenes only.

"Closer," Nine Inch Nails
Nope.

"You've Lost that Loving Feeling," The Righteous Brothers
The name says it all.

And anything by Eminem, REO Speedwagon, Tori Amos, Liz Phair, Monty Python, Weird Al, a death metal band, a hair metal band, a metal band, Marilyn Manson, Ray Stevens, the Blood Hound Gang, Nancy Sinatra, KoRn, Nickleback, G-N-R, the Macarana, the Electric Slide, Y.M.C.A., any disco song ever made, 3/4 of the country songs ever made, the Blues (though paradoxically the Blues Brothers are okay), Spike Jones, Rob Zombie, Kung Fu Fighting, Love Stinks, Mr. Roboto, Runaround Sue, and Baby Got Back.

Inappropriate Reception Songs

This is from The Engaged Groom, a book my fiancée purchased for me. It has helpful hints on how to avoid getting in the way during the wedding planning process. The best hint was "take up a new hobby, such as golf."

"I Will Always Love You," Dolly Parton
Maybe you're more familiar with Whitney Houston's version. What you might not know is that this song is about a breakup.

"My Heart Will Go On," Celine Dion
Any song that will forever be associated with a movie about a sinking ship is not the best sound track for your marriage.

"Wonderful Tonight," Eric Clapton
The song seems innocent enough, so much so that it's become a cliché at a lot of weddings, but it ends with the singer unable to drive home or to put himself to bed because he's stoned, drunk, or both.

"I Can't Make You Love Me," Bonnie Raitt
But I will make you marry me.

"More Than Words," Extreme
Cheesy but romantic? Maybe. Sung from the perspective of a guy pressuring his girlfriend to have sex? Really. Read the lyrics.

"Against All Odds," Phil Collins
In this song, Phil is coming to terms with the fact that his girlfriend's return is highly unlikely, making this song perfect for your wedding...if you've been ditched at the altar.

"Every Breath You Take," The Police
The favorite of people marrying their stalker.

"I Will Survive," Gloria Gaynor
The most commonly played dance song and the most inappropriate for a wedding. I'm willing to bet you don't want your new wife out on the dance floor singing, "Walk out the door / Just turn around now / 'cause you're not welcome anymore."

"Billie Jean," Michael Jackson
Songs about illegitimate children are never appropriate at weddings.

"I Heard It Through the Grapevine," Marvin Gaye
A staple of Motown medleys and get-down groove sessions, but just remember that the thing that Marvin heard through the grapevine is that his lady friend has been cheating on him.

"Who Are You," The Who
To be played at arranged marriages only.

"You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette
A call to arms for any woman who's ever been jilted by a guy, and one to avoid for any newly married couple. It's especially dangerous to play this one if you are inviting an ex-girlfriend to the wedding.

"50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," Paul Simon
Make a new plan, Stan, and leave this one off your list.

"Why Don't We Get Drunk (and Screw)," Jimmy Buffett
No comment.

I would like to add that I feel that Dolly Parton, Whitney Houston, Phil Collins, Gloria Gaynor, Michael Jackson, Alanis Morissette, and Jimmy Buffett do not have any songs appropriate for a wedding or reception. "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" is okay, so long as it is accompanied by the California Raisins (who I believe Karen is inviting). And Celine Dion should never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever, ever, never, ever be heard in any capacity at any point from this point on.

I don't want to do enough crunches for this

The fact that someone makes this dress means that there are women out there who would buy it. Who are these women? No, really, who are these women?

Well, if you are one of them, I'm sorry I've offended you and you can find the dress here.

The One Ring

When we were out shopping for my engagement ring, I asked Mike what he wants his wedding ring to look like. He told me that he wants The One Ring. Now he says that he meant he wants it to be simple, gold and heavy-looking, but it just so happens that it is possible to buy The One Ring. And while you are flying, no less. And it is 18k gold, which satisfies his no-finger-breaking-out-in-a-rash requirements. Hmmm.

Poll Results

The final results of the neckware poll:

Fancy Button: 4
Bow tie: 3
Cravat: 1
Hempen necklace: 1
Washed neck: 1

So the winner, and still champion, is Fancy Button, like was worn by Mike in a prior wedding in summer 2000. Thanks to all who participated. Please see the sidebar for another new poll, lasting until 10/9/07.

What's in a name?

1998. My mother is married to David, her sister is married to Bill. My cousin Jenny is married to Dave, her sister Libby is dating (now married to) David, and their brother is Michael. My cousin Suzie is dating (now married to) Bill and has dated a Bill in the past. Her sister Amy has dated Mikes and Daves. A muttering is heard that in order to date or marry into the family you must be named Bill, David, or Michael. Songs are written to further the Lore of the Names.

2006. Home for Christmas, surrounded by the aforementioned family, fresh into a new relationship. Their first question: What's his name? My response: You have three guesses.

Tracking Down a Groomsman

So Mike wanted to have an equal number of groomsmen. And, since the marriage talk first started, he envisioned Nathan H. Frank, B.A., M.S., Ph.D., J.D., L.M.N.O.P. and professor of quantum linguisticophysics, joining him in the wedding party. But there was a problem: he did not know how to contact Dr. Frank.

He knew the problem existed. The Christmas card that he sent to Dr. Frank, his lovely wife Holly, and their son Henry Nathan Alphonso Steven Michael Henry Frank was returned. They had moved from Michigan. But where did they go? So Mike did a google search for Nathan H. Frank, B.A., M.S., Ph.D., J.D., L.M.N.O.P., which returned a "Funny Chinese Song Video." So he started randomly calling numbers, but only reached the International Drain Commission.

So he turned back to Google, and used better search criteria. And the first hit was at Concordia College, home of the Cobbers, out there on the edge of the prairie, where all the women are strong, the men are good looking, and the children etc, etc, etc. This was surprizing, as Mike distinctly remembered Dr. Frank from his days at Concordia College. He vividly remembered Dr. Frank listening to the Timberwolves during graduation. And that Dr. Frank's last words as he left campus were "So long, suckers!"

So Mike dutifully looked for Dr. Frank on the site, but could not find him. Apparently, the trail had gone cold. But then, one day, as Mike was shooting at some food, up from the ground came a-bubblin' good luck. He performed another search and found that Dr. Frank had taken another position at a school in Illinois.

So Mike looked at the site, found Dr. Frank's phone number, and called him up. And he got Dr. Frank. And Dr. Frank was sore afraid, and replied "I'll do anything you want, just don't hurt me!" And so, Dr. Frank was added to the party. And at some point, Mike and Dr. Frank will have to meet in the Quad Cities for a beer.

Satisfying Dr. Laura

Not that I really give a rat's patootie about that wack-job, but even according to her standards I can "officially" say that I'm engaged--I have a ring (see previous post) and a date (August 23, 2008). The Jane Austen fans out there might be interested in viewing the archives of Dr. Laura.

One Ring to Bring them All.....to a Wedding

So, one day, Mike proposed. What he envisioned was romantic:

Mike turns to Karen on the shore of a northern lake, the sun setting behind the hoary pines in the background. A gentle breeze blows through the leaves, already starting to trade their verdant hues for more colorful ones. As he kneels before her, the Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft The One Engagement Ring from the bosom of the water, signifying by Divine Providence, that Karen was to marry Mike.

The reality is so boring that I will not bore you with it. Suffice it to say that the proposal occured in Fargo. Not having the foggiest clue what Karen would want in a ring, one was not purchased prior to the occasion. And the Lady of the Lake is not to be found in Fargo, apparently. However, after nearly a week of shopping, and nearly a week of waiting, Karen now wears The One Engagement Ring.

Ring shown actual size.

The other side

Mike really needs to learn how to spell Rachael, since we will be eternally indebted to her and Tom for introducing us back in November. I think it was after our third date that Rachael informed me that we would be required to name our firstborn after one of them. We are thinking perhaps a cat.

So, what was the set-up like on the other end? It was October 31, 2006 and I was boycotting Halloween. Well, not boycotting the entire holiday, just the trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood. I love seeing the little kids in their costumes, but it annoys me to no end when teenagers come by in their regular clothes and expect you to give them candy. At least make an effort, people. Anyway, I went to Tom and Rachael's to get away and I was regaling them with my latest eHarmony bad-date story, after which I had cancelled my membership and gone on a self-imposed dating hiatus.

"But I'm ready for something new, so put on your thinking caps!"

(Rachael and Tom exchange a very suspicious, knowing look.)

"What was that about?"

"Well, Tom has a friend named Mike, and we think the two of you would get along really well. And we're pretty sure he's a Christian because he's always carrying around a bag that says Lutheran Brotherhood on it."

"Well, set it up and we'll see how it goes. If we hit it off, super; if not, it will be another great bad-date story."

And as much as I love telling a good bad-date story, I'm glad Tom and Rachael were right.

Not quite done yet

Here, Karen & Mike relax after a tough day of watching other people get married. This picture was taken at the wedding of Mike's best friend Dan and his beautiful new wife Kris. (Why she married Dan is a question for the ages.) The ceremony was largely monkey-free, though Mr. Wangensteen was seen to have put in an appearance.

The Saga Begins...

A long, long time ago, in the City of Iowa, lived a man. Named Mike. Who frequently wrote in sentence fragments. But not always. One day in November, his friend Tom came up to him and asked:

- So, Mike, are you...uh...seeing anyone?
- Nope.
- But you're not opposed to seeing people.
- Nope.
- 'Cause Rachel has this friend, and--no pressure or anything--we were wondering if, you know, you might want to go out, or something.
- Sure.
- Great! How do you want to do it? Maybe a double date, you know--take the pressure off?
- Sounds good.
- Okay, well I'll let Rachel know. Oh, her friend is named Karen!
- Great. Looking forward to it.

Several weeks later, Mike and Karen were dating. Several months later, she met his parents. Nearly a year later, he gave her a ring--sort of. But that is a story for another night.