Inappropriate Reception Songs

This is from The Engaged Groom, a book my fiancée purchased for me. It has helpful hints on how to avoid getting in the way during the wedding planning process. The best hint was "take up a new hobby, such as golf."

"I Will Always Love You," Dolly Parton
Maybe you're more familiar with Whitney Houston's version. What you might not know is that this song is about a breakup.

"My Heart Will Go On," Celine Dion
Any song that will forever be associated with a movie about a sinking ship is not the best sound track for your marriage.

"Wonderful Tonight," Eric Clapton
The song seems innocent enough, so much so that it's become a cliché at a lot of weddings, but it ends with the singer unable to drive home or to put himself to bed because he's stoned, drunk, or both.

"I Can't Make You Love Me," Bonnie Raitt
But I will make you marry me.

"More Than Words," Extreme
Cheesy but romantic? Maybe. Sung from the perspective of a guy pressuring his girlfriend to have sex? Really. Read the lyrics.

"Against All Odds," Phil Collins
In this song, Phil is coming to terms with the fact that his girlfriend's return is highly unlikely, making this song perfect for your wedding...if you've been ditched at the altar.

"Every Breath You Take," The Police
The favorite of people marrying their stalker.

"I Will Survive," Gloria Gaynor
The most commonly played dance song and the most inappropriate for a wedding. I'm willing to bet you don't want your new wife out on the dance floor singing, "Walk out the door / Just turn around now / 'cause you're not welcome anymore."

"Billie Jean," Michael Jackson
Songs about illegitimate children are never appropriate at weddings.

"I Heard It Through the Grapevine," Marvin Gaye
A staple of Motown medleys and get-down groove sessions, but just remember that the thing that Marvin heard through the grapevine is that his lady friend has been cheating on him.

"Who Are You," The Who
To be played at arranged marriages only.

"You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette
A call to arms for any woman who's ever been jilted by a guy, and one to avoid for any newly married couple. It's especially dangerous to play this one if you are inviting an ex-girlfriend to the wedding.

"50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," Paul Simon
Make a new plan, Stan, and leave this one off your list.

"Why Don't We Get Drunk (and Screw)," Jimmy Buffett
No comment.

I would like to add that I feel that Dolly Parton, Whitney Houston, Phil Collins, Gloria Gaynor, Michael Jackson, Alanis Morissette, and Jimmy Buffett do not have any songs appropriate for a wedding or reception. "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" is okay, so long as it is accompanied by the California Raisins (who I believe Karen is inviting). And Celine Dion should never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever, ever, never, ever be heard in any capacity at any point from this point on.